two kinds of alone

for a married woman, I think, there are two kinds of alone

that alone when he has left for his day and you are done taking care of his needs -
the working around him so as to not get in the way
then finally - you regard your own day, your own needs

and that other alone of the no one there to share the glass of wine and broken bread
no one to warm the side of the bed you snuggle into when he gets up before you
now, it's an aching hole of absence in the empty spaces of routine

that alone when you finish your part in the hub of the working day and are home alone -
having an hour or so, alone, before he comes home, hungry, world weary -
home alone in that room of one's own
to fix yourself a spot of tea and feed the birds, the greedy squirrels, the mean jays

and that other alone when the sky is never blue, really, a blue you can trust
or the rain all feels like the acid kind, biting cold
and you wander, and you wonder why you were always needing so much to be alone

there are two kinds of alone that I have seen,
I had a vivid dream that I was left with the final kind
so I try not to need the other one too much